One of the reasons I used to be so insecure was because I always thought to myself, there’s always going to be someone that’s better than me. People are always going to love another person a little more than me, so why invest myself into someone that will never choose me? How could I possibly love someone else when I didn’t love myself? My own insecurities drove any possible romantic relationship away because I didn’t know how to give out love. I didn’t realize that sometimes you have to take a risk and recognize that you might get hurt, but that’s okay.
To this day, I always just want to be someone’s first choice. I want someone to pick me over another person because I mean more to them. I think it stems from my on insecurities and a need for validation. And I’ll be honest, it’s one of the reasons why I put up with such shitty guys. I go out with guys I know are already talking to someone else because at the end of the day, I’m hoping they choose me.
I can’t help myself. It’s so easy for me to recognize that these guys are treating me bad and that I deserve better but none of that stops me.
It doesn’t help that I’m a sucker for romance. I guess I’m just going about it the wrong way. I’m choosing the wrong guys who can’t give me what I want and me continuing to see them just gives them validation that the way they’re treating me is okay.
So here’s a note to myself, please please know that you love yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and you deserve someone who can only see you. You have value and by going out with guys you’re only taking away that value. Love yourself enough to walk away. There has to be something better out there. I love you, please remember that.
Read about how much wiser I was a few months ago: Knowing your worth